Weddings are not about just the bride or just the groom; they’re about a couple pledging their love and commitment to each other that day and for the rest of their lives. Over time, the focus of weddings has shifted from the couple, to the bride. One of the most common reasons for this comes from the planning process. It’s common knowledge (and most of the time, it’s true) that the planning is not only done but enjoyed more by the bride. She’s usually the one who’s spent more time on Pinterest, more time scouring bridal magazines, and more time analyzing her friends’ weddings to get ideas of what she does and doesn’t like. It’s because of this that even brides sometimes forget that their groom may have his own ideas of what he’d like. So today, we’re going to go through some ways that brides can include their groom in the planning process, and keep everything – even the planning – about the two of you.
Go over your must-haves together. Discuss what’s important to each of you in the grand scheme of the wedding. Things like type of venue, season, or the size of the guest list. If things he wants clash with the way you envision things, see if you can find a way to compromise. Make sure he knows that even if you disagree, that doesn’t mean he automatically loses. Do your best to find a solution that works for both of you.
Find out what he wants to be involved in planning and what he doesn’t. This is best if figured out at the outset. If he really could care less about the flowers but loves music, leave him out of your floral meetings but remember that he wants to be involved when it comes to choosing the DJ or band.
Welcome his opinions. Ask for his input and let him know you want an honest answer, not just the answer that he thinks you want to hear. If some of his ideas are, say, different, don’t immediately shoot them down (my husband’s Save the Date [see below] is exhibit A). Let him know that his wants, no matter how small, are important to you. Ask questions and then decide together whether it’s something to include or not.
My husband, Mark, asked if he could be in charge of invitations. We compromised, and he got to head up the Save the Dates. This was the result. A little unconventional, but he was happy, and I’m sure a lot of people got a good laugh. 🙂
Don’t force him to plan. This is a great idea even if he’s not helping with the planning. Pick at least one day a week when the wedding is off-limits. No researching, no budgeting, no meetings. Take that day to just enjoy each other. On the other days, don’t bombard him with countless questions the second he walks through the door. Ask him if he can take a few minutes to look through some things. If he’s busy, in the meantime try to find something that he doesn’t care to be involved in to work on.
Ask for his help. Women know that most men are “fixers”. They see a problem, and they want to find a solution. Wedding planning is the perfect avenue for you to let him do his thing. It could be working an added cost into your fixed budget or calling to get quotes from different caterers. He’ll enjoy feeling needed and that leaves you time to work on things that he doesn’t mind being left out of.
Give him a special project. This goes along a little with the above point of asking for his help, but is a bit more specific. Base this off of his strengths. If he’s handy, it could be creating custom signs or building a photo-booth. If he’s more creative in music, ask him to put together your first draft of must-have songs or research the perfect band. If he’s a snazzy dresser, ask him to find the suits for the groomsmen. Give him a specific way to help. Men love specifics and will appreciate knowing exactly what he’s in charge of.
Wedding planning can be tough to do on your own. There’s a lot to research, buy, and plan for. Because the wedding represents a couple rather than an individual, bring your groom into the planning. After all, the wedding day is for the bride and groom. Share the love, and you’ll both be happier for it.
If you would more information on having your wedding or event at Brandywine Manor House, call or email us today at email@example.com or 610.942.2200.